Tainted Love
by HikariShindo1992
Summary: Although its been several years since his death, Kitazawa still haunts Eiri. How will Eiri remedy this situation, and how will his lover react to his solution? First chapter revised.
1. Chapter 1

I posted this last night but then took it down earlier today because of how poorly written it had been. I revised it, adding much more, making it more interesting to read. Anyway, please read, and tell me what you think.

I don▓t own gravitation

------ Start and end of dream.

/┘./ Italics.

As I watched my blood pour out onto the floor, I smirked. I couldn▓t help it, it seemed so┘ amusing, such a vibrant red color, flowing freely from my two wrists. As crimson liquid poured out onto the tiles of my once clean bathroom, I laughed.

⌠Are you happy now Kitazawa?■ I yelled at the top of my lungs. ⌠Are you happy?■ I heard the patter of tiny feet racing toward the bathroom, but it didn▓t really matter. My precious pink idiot wouldn▓t be able to get in anyway, the door was locked. 

No matter where I go, no matter what I do, my dead sensei still plagues me. In my sleep, even when I am awake, it does not matter, his voice still echoes▓ in my head. I can no longer stand this torment. I cannot fathom what I will do if this continues. I would rather be dead than listen to his destructive accusations, to have him continuously ransack my mind.

It happened just when things were getting better for me too, when I was no longer consumed by thoughts of my dead teacher. I had finally been able to open up to my Shuichi. My once a week therapy sessions were deemed no longer necessary by my therapist. My medication was used on rare occasions. I had smiled more, talked more, and been more productive with my work. I had become reacquainted with my good friend Mr. Sun. Then that dreadful, awful man visited me in my dreams.

------

I was in my teachers old apartment. It was just the way as it had been, all those years ago. The only differences were that there was a large pool of blood in front of where I stood, and there was no Sensei.

⌠Have you forgotten me already, Eiri?■ He stood before me in beige slacks and a white button down shirt, looking thoroughly pissed. 

⌠No sensei, I haven▓t.■ I was afraid, incredibly so. The only thing that could rival this fear was the fear of loosing Shuichi.

His face darkened, as though he had read my mind, and I fell to the ground, quaking in fear. ⌠Are you really moving on? Are you leaving me behind? Eiri, do you not love me anymore?■ His tone was mocking. As my heart raced, an evil smirk spread across his face.

⌠Sensei please, stop,■ I croaked. I found it hard for me to speak, my throat considerably tight.

⌠Stop what Eiri? I only want to know where your loyalties lie. So where do they lie, with me or that little bitch of yours?■ He feigned a hurt expression, but he was obviously amused. He was getting a sick pleasure out of this. He enjoyed the pain he caused me, but for some reason I could not hate him for this.

I loved Kitazawa, but I also loved Shuichi. The love I had for each one was different though. I had admired Kitazawa when he was alive. He had taught me so much, and had always treated me as his younger brother. Even after he tried to rape me, I could not blame him, only myself. It had been my fault for not being good enough, for not being strong.

My precious idiot had also showed me kindness as well, but his kindness was different. His kindness was not fake, as Kitazawa▓s had been. He was persistent, and sweet. He never gave up on me. It was inevitable that I would fall for him. It was only natural that I would forget about my dead teacher. Why was that wrong?

⌠Sensei┘■ My voice was failing me, my words only whispered.

⌠So then, you are?■ He seemed displeased. Why does he persist? Why can▓t he just back to the pit of hell that he crawled out of?

⌠Please┘■ My breath was quickening. I think I might be hyperventilating.

⌠So he is more important than I am. You▓re forgetting me so you can be with /him/?■ Why does that matter, your already dead.

⌠Stop it┘■ Why doesn▓t he go away already?

⌠Why? So you can go cry to him, and forget all about me?■ He drew nearer, his eyes narrowing into slits. ⌠I won▓t allow it Eiri-kun, ⌠He said leaning in toward me. ⌠I won▓t,■ He repeated himself, as though he wished to make that fact clear. ⌠I▓ll always be number one in your heart.■ As he whispered that last sentence, he faded away, leaving me behind to bawl like a child.

------ 

After that, I remember waking up and immediately curling myself into a tight ball, and crying. When Shuichi awoke to see me in tears, he immediately attempted to console me. I remember him rocking me back and forth until the tears subsided. However when I lifted my face to look at the face of my beloved, I instead saw Kitazawa.

I remember being horrified and crying out in shock, Shuichi had withdrawn, startled at my sudden outburst. When the image of my old teacher subsided, I saw Shuichi▓s alarmed, and hurt, face. I had apologized, giving him no explanation and lay back down onto the bed. Although he looked wary, Shuichi did the same. However, I could not sleep the remainder of that night.

After that, I began seeing Kitazawa everywhere I went. When I watched television, when I attempted to work on my novel, when I tried cooking, or cleaning, he was there. No matter what it was, Kitazawa was there. I became jumpy, often scaring people. On more than one occasion, it was suggested that I be taken to the hospital. I refused to leave the safety of my study, refused to let anyone in. I was afraid that I would see Kitazawa.

I did not eat, I did not sleep. I knew my poor lover was afraid and worried, but I could not face him. I was afraid that I would see my teacher instead of Shuichi▓s beautiful face. I could not understand why this was happening to me, why I had to endure this torture. 

And then, it came to me. The reason why Kitazawa persisted was that he wanted me to join him in oblivion. He wanted me to pay the price for killing him. Such a simple solution, how could I have not seen something so obvious? I know that I had smirked at my stupidity.

So now here I sit, watching as my blood pours out onto the cool tiles of my bathroom floor. My lover is pounding on the door. I have to laugh at his cute stupidity. It is so obvious that I am going to die here. Not only have I slit both my wrists with a butcher▓s knife I had found in the kitchen, but also said knife has been plunged deep into my chest. There is no chance that I will survive, not with how long it is going to take Shuichi to get this door open. He has never been good with locks.

The tears start falling as regret wells up within me. I do not want to leave Shuichi behind, but it is what has to be done. I am sorry Shuichi. I whisper my goodbyes and apologies to this world, as my vision grows dark. I fall backwards and stare at the ceiling during my last seconds of consciousness. In the background I can hear Shuichi calling out to me.

I am coming, Kitazawa.

This is a multi-chapter fic. Please review, and look forward to the next chapter. 


	2. Chapter 2

Okay so now we are on chapter two. Yay! And this time I didn't write it when I was half-asleep. Bigger yay!

I don't own gravitation

/…./ italics

I opened my eyes, only to shut them tightly. Who would have thought that opening your eyes would be so painful? I tried to open my eyes again /slowly/ inching them open until I could see. The first thing I saw was plain white. Maybe my eyes really were screwed up.

I heard voices I the background, but paid no heed to them. I tried moving my arm, only to find cords wrapped around it. The blip of monitors reached my ears, and suddenly I had a good idea of where I was. There was no doubt about it, I was in hell.

I tried sitting up, surprised when I could not raise my body from the hospital bed. Then I tried sitting up quickly, not one of my brightest ideas. It is not that I could not get up, I did that just fine. The problem was that as soon as I sat up I felt an immense pain in my chest.

I cried out both from shock, and major discomfort. Several people rushed to my side, but I did not want to look up just yet, my pain seemed more important at the moment. Blood stained the cotton of the hospital gown I was wearing, coming from my chest, arms and seeping from my mouth. I broke out in a coughing fit, and panic spread around me. Calls for doctors were heard, and a familiar voice asked me to, "Hold on for a little bit longer."

I looked up expecting to see my sweet lover forcing out words of encouragement, but instead I saw Kitazawa smirking at me. In fact, everyone in the room was Kitazawa. I did not scream, or try to run away. I did the typical Shuichi thing and fainted. Actually, the more proper term is, "blacked out." It sounds more masculine. Fainting is for girls, gays, and Shuichi.

xxxxxxxxxxx

I awoke for the second time that day, this time deciding to stay put. I would not open my eyes; I would not try to move. That way I would feel no pain, and I would not see that villain Kitazawa. Instead, I listened to the person crying next to me. It sounded an awful lot like Shuichi. I wanted to know what it was that was causing him such distress. So, I took a chance and opened my eyes.

I found the room to be considerably darker than when I had woken up earlier. The ceiling that had once been stark white was now a blue black, illuminated by the various monitors hooked up to me. I turned to my right where a view of the hospital garden greeted me. I did not seem to be too far up, maybe the second floor.

I looked to my left, feeling relived to see my sweet Shuichi's face rather than the monstrous one of my sensei. However, I felt my joy deflate as I saw tears running freely down his cheeks. I lifted my hand to cup his cheek, surprised at how much effort it actually took me.

He looked up quickly, obviously startled, and his mouth forming words without sound. However, I could read my name on his lips. I opened my mouth to speak, but a horse croak was all I could manage. Coming to his senses, he poured me a glass of water from a pitcher on the bedside table.

"Here you go Yuki," he said as he handed me the cup. I removed my hand from his face, and grasped the cup with both hands. As I began to drink, he stood up to go turn on the lights. I finished off the water, and waited for him to come back and sit down. When he returned I looked up once more, causing me to drop my cup in shock. Thank goodness, it was paper.

I stared in awe at what he had become. His once angelic face was haggard his cheeks sunken. His eyes that had at one time sparkled with life and joy, were now dull and lifeless. His normally beautiful tan skin was paler and unhealthy looking. His frame looked weak, as though he had not eaten or sleep in quite some time.

The telltale beep of the machine monitoring my heartbeat alerted my lover of my surprise. He looked first to the machinery, then to me. He noticed how intently I was studying his features and smiled. His smile was sad, yet warm. It was heartbroken, yet oddly inviting.

"It's been a long week, that's all Yuki," he reassured me. He watched as my heart rate went down, but my worry did not subside quite as easily. Tears prickled into his eyes, his smile faltering.

"I'm sorry Yuki. I'm so sorry." He was crying now, but why? He had not done anything wrong, it had been Kitazawa. "I didn't know what to do. I saw you like that, and I freaked out. I do not know what has happening to you. Why didn't you come talk to me? I could've helped you before it got that far."

I felt sorry for him then. He loves me, I know this is true, and yet I have done something like this to him. It is not my fault, at least not entirely, but I still I can feel guilt weal up within me. "I'm sorry Shuichi. It's all my fault," I rasp out.

Somehow, this makes his tears fall faster and harder. He holds his head in his hands and sobs. I carefully maneuvered myself into a more comfortable sitting position, and gingerly took him into my arms. We spent the rest of the night like that, him crying into my chest, and I crying into his limp pink hair. We dozed off like that, only to be found the next morning by an early rising Tohma.

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It took me forever to actually finish this chapter. Procrastination is such a dreadful thing. Anyways please review, ad look forward to the next chapter.


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